.. so that's that one put to bed. Hallmark and other beneficiaries of Valentines Day will of course tell you different, but take it from me... it's a pile of pish. I think you love with your brain. Sense over sentimentality.
The single worst Valentines Day present I received was in 1999. My high school sweetheart, who clearly didn't listen to a single word that came out my mouth at any point decided that an ideal present for me would be a box of horrific truffles (if I had waited until now to eat them they may have actually tasted better) and the CD single of some Oasis song of the time. That's not a typo, it wasn't meant to say album.. she did indeed buy me a fucking single! Well, needless to say she was single not too long after that. I guess the worst thing about her was the fact she kissed with her eyes open! Really freaked me out on numerous occasions, when (as a young schoolboy) I would have a wee peak to see what was happening during frantic kissing sessions and there was an eye staring right at me! It always reminded me of a horror movie when the innocent protagonist is, annoyingly, blaze and fucking about in a total moment of danger and he looks into a mirror and there, right behind him, is a "baddy" with big eyes staring at him. Maybe not quite as bad as that, but it perturbed me enough to note it.... and tell all the school about this stingy girl who buys you cheap truffles, CD singles and kisses whilst trying to read your mind! Anyway, I wish her well and hope she has a splendid Valentines tomorrow however she opts to spend it.
Second worst Valentines experience was probably 2 years later as a singleton at University I headed out with no intention of chasing tail. After an afternoon in the pub, and way too much to drink I ended up in the Garage. I was ruffled and broken. I should have went home (a long time ago). But there I was, in all my youthful arrogance, in the middle of a night out trying to brave face the fact I had been sick on my jacket! No-one appeared to notice, so I pressed on with the job in hand - getting through a full night! A short while later I was approached by a girl; wouldn't even be worthwhile having a guess at her name, and her opening gambit was to the point. "Do you have a girlfriend?". Fuck sake! Doesn't give you much time to survey how you should be answering that question. I slurred honestly that I was indeed single, so she offered to buy me a drink. Already coming across a tad desperate but fair play to her. At this point I had lost everyone I was out with so she was really my company for the night. 10 minutes later! 10 short, short minutes... 600 fucking seconds later she asked me if I wanted to go back to her place! Fucking hell hen! Does your mother know you behave like this?? Anyway, I said yes! But I had to get rid of the sick on my jacket. So, rather smartly I thought, I told her I had to head home to let my flatmate in and I would meet her later. I gave her my number and everything was arranged. Waking up the following morning in my own flat, my sick coated jacket still on my back I grabbed my mobile phone to check the time. 11am in the morning. Missed calls from girl - 48! My God! She spent more time trying to phone me than we did talking before she gave me the home-time offer! Bullet dodged, but it was still a fairly depressing Valentines Day. Again, I wish her all the best tomorrow aswell. Though... a girl of that calibre need not rely on luck or any of my well wishes!
No comments:
Post a Comment